last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
