this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
