i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
