i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
