"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
