Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
