im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
