He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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