i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well I just put wine in my tea
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
