end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
