he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
