not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it was like eating out sand paper
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
