Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
