You're a womanizer and a bitch.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she looked like the before picture.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
