dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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