I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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