I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
