Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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