i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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