I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
