Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
