I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
