non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
