I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
