I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
