i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
