can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
