Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
