i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just gift wrapped bread.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize