How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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