Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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