Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
