no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
