I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
