I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
