Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
