Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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