May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sorry about my life...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
