I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
