I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
