there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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