He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
