My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
