There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
