Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
