so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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