Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
