i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
