just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize