4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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