i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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