you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
