i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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