we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
