we have pet lesbian snakes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
