I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
