I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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