I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
