I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
