I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
