the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
