once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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