Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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