I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
