My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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